Master of the House
Master of the House is a song in PAW Patrol/Les Miserables. It is sung by Swift, Ingrid and customer dogs. Lyrics Customer Dog 1: Mine host Swift He was there, so they say, at the field of Waterloo Customer Dog 2: Got there, it's true, when the fight was all through But he knew just what to do Customer Dog 3: Crawling through the mud So I've heard it said Picking through the pockets of the English dead Customer Dog 4: He made a tidy score from the spoils of war Swift: My band of soaks My den of dissolutes My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts My sons of whores spent their lives in my inn! Homing pigeons homing in They fly through my doors And their money's as good as yours! Welcome, M'sieur! Sit yourself down And meet the best innkeeper in town! As for the rest All of them crooks Rooking their guests and cooking the books Seldom do you see Honest men like me A gent of good intent who's content to be Master of the house! Doling out the charm Ready with a handshake and an open palm Tells a saucy tale Makes a little stir Customers appreciate a bon-viveur Glad to do a friend a favour Doesn't cost me to be nice But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price! Master of the house! Keeper of the zoo! Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two Watering the wine Making up the weight Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight Everybody loves a landlord Everybody's bosom friend! I do whatever pleases Jesus, won't I bleed 'em in the end! Swift and Customer Dogs: Master of the house! Quick to catch your eye Never wants a passer-by to pass him by! Servant to the poor Butler to the great Comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate Everybody's boon companion Everybody's chaperone Swift: But lock up your valises Jesus, won't I skin you to the bone! Enter, M'sieurs! Lay down your load Unlace your boots and rest from the road This weighs a ton Travel's a curse But here we strive to lighten your purse Here the goose is cooked Here the fat is fried And nothing's overlooked till I'm satisfied Food beyond compare Food beyond belief Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat Filling up the sausages with this and that! Residents are more than welcome Bridal suite is occupied Reasonable charges plus some little extras on the side Charge 'em for the lice Extra for the mice Two per cent for looking in the mirror twice Here a little slice There a little cut Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut When it comes to fixing prices There are lots of tricks he knows How it all increases All them bits and pieces Jesus, it's amazing how it grows Swift and Customer Dogs: Master of the house! Quick to catch your eye Never wants a passer-by to pass him by! Servant to the poor Butler to the great Comforter, philosopher and life-long mate Everybody's boon companion Gives 'em everything he's got Swift: Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus, what a sorry little lot! Ingrid: I used to dream that I would meet a prince But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since? "Master of the house" Isn't worth my spit! "Comforter, philosopher" - and lifelong shit! Cunning little brain Regular Voltaire Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there What a cruel trick of nature Landed me with such a louse God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house! Swift and Customer Dogs: Master of the house! Ingrid: Master and a half! Swift and Customer Dogs: Comforter, philosopher Ingrid: Don't make me laugh! Swift and Customer Dogs: Servant to the poor Butler to the great Ingrid: Hypocrite and toady and inebriate! Swift and Customer Dogs: Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse! Swift: Everybody raise a glass! Ingrid: Raise it up the master's arse! Swift and Customers: Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house! Category:Songs Category:Fanon Category:Fanon Songs Category:Movie Songs Category:Songs Sung By Swift Category:Songs Sung By Ingrid